It Sucks to be Me :-)

I just saw Avenue Q in London. It was awesome. Exactly the right mix of snarky social comment and actual plot, and most of it was personally relevant (or at least personally referent). What do you do with a BA in English? (well, French and Medieval Studies, but it amounts to the same thing). I'm currently downloading most of the songs, my favorites being "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist", "If you were Gay", and "It Sucks to be Me." Oh snarky humour, how I have missed thee.
Life with theatre is good :)

Gay's the Word

In London, there is only one single Gay bookstore. I expected more, in a city this size, but one is better than nothing. I found the shop this evening and was initially put off by the rather, well...male focus of most of the merchandise. The lesbian section is small and in the back. But it's there. I bought a couple volumes of secondhand fiction (can't afford new books as the pound is too strong vis-a-vis the dollar, can't afford anything too obvious since I'm going back to Morocco). I would have liked to talk to the proprietor, but he was busy for most of the time that I was there. Still, it was nice. A place with a nice, obvious title emblazoned outside. The simple idea of being out in the open and having it not be a big deal. I'm inclined to think that it's really not a big deal, it's simply outsiders who make it one.

I figured out my sexuality in an environment where people are people, women or womyn or boys or bois are pretty much exactly the same, and who you date doesn't make much difference to anyone else. As a result, I tend to look at it all in a matter-of-fact sort of way. You're transsexual and dating a drag queen? No problem. I'm female and dating someone completely androgynous? Who cares? Problem is, very few other people see it that way. The fact that four states have just banned gay marriage, including my home state of Florida, illustrates that fact. I've never been one to be terribly political, and I'm not inclined to be publicly Out and Proud when, as I've said, the notion of who's dating whom is really no big deal to me. But when it comes to people's rights being taken away...I get mad. I was born in the States. I don't live there now, but it's a country I want to be able to come back to. And when I come back, I want to have the same rights as everybody else. I don't care about getting married. I don't care about a ceremony or a pretty white dress. But I want to know that if anything happened to me my girlfriend could come visit in the hospital. I want to know that if we were victims of a hate crime we wouldn't also face discrimination from the police. I want to know that no one else would be able to put their politics or their religion into our relationship, because our relationship is between us and only us.

This is the reason why, even though I'm not political, I think it's important to have a visible presence. Everyone on Marchmost street knows that there's a gay bookstore there. No one really seems to care. I'm sure that they've had tough times, but they've been there for years and gained acceptance. And that's just the point. People fear what they don't understand. People fear the unknown. And the only way to get over the fear of the unknown is to make it known. When people stop thinking of the Big Scary Homosexual Agenda and realize that gays are people too, it won't be such a big deal anymore. And that's the way it should be.

A New Experience

It's been quite a while since I've posted on this site. Partly it's that I've been so incredibly busy that it's been a struggle to find time to breathe, much less angst. Partly it's because the list of potential things to angst about is far too long to write down. I've fended off random propositions from guys on the street, had a coworker express his deep and unrequited love for me, been unsure of the limits of acceptable friendly behavior in several instances, and generally had a number of things to deal with.

And then there was something completely new.

I'd been in the office all day, doing paperwork and using the internet, and when I went back to the hotel one of the guys walked with me, since it was on his way. He invited me for a cup of tea, and I thought what the hell, might as well, get the sorry-let's-just-be-friends conversation over with and move on.

But it didn't happen.

We got tea, and we chatted. About Morocco, about travel, about any number of subjects...and none of them had anything to do with his wanting to get together with me. It was like hanging out with a friend at home, enjoying each others' company with no expectation of anything other than friendship going on. I was stunned. It's the first time that that's happened here. Eleven months in Morocco, and it's the first time I've been somewhere unchaperoned with a guy my own age that hasn't resulted in awkward conversations or awkward acts.

Sometimes the world can still surprise me.

I'm glad.